Saturday, May 15, 2010

Late Night Thoughts Stacy, the kids, and my knee

It is 11:39 p.m., not too late but late enough that the house is quiet and my thoughts wonder. The kids are asleep and Stacy (who works nights, so he is usually up pretty late when he is off) has had an absolutely exhausting week, and he is asleep too. Even the dog is quiet. It is a rainy, stormy night. Here I sit, icing my knee, and though my knee hurts, and life is crazy sometimes. I feel so utterly blessed. This week it was highlighted to me again, just what a hero my husband is. He amazes me. My kids are a wonderful blessing of life. Everyday they make me smile. And their daddy is just quite simply an amazing dad. This week alone, he had SWAT competition all week, all day long, starting at 7 or 8 a.m. and ending around 6 or 7 p.m the first night, he got home from it and a few hours later they got a SWAT call out, he was gone ALL night, I mean till 6 a.m. the next morning, and went back to the competition after a very short nap. All of those guys are amazing. They were all exhausted. Then today many of them, including Stacy, got up early to be at a 5k Run to benefit the Special Olympics and even after the exhausting week they had had, they ran out in the heat over 4 miles for these very special children. They are some very special guys! Shortly after that he had a training class to attend. He came home and you could see he was exhausted, and I said to him "GO take a nap" I knew he could surely use one. But he doesn't want to. He wants to see me and his kids. I can't put it in to words, but he never disappoints me as a father,not that he disappoints me other ways lol, but ya know he isn't the BEST house keeper, etc., but it seems that really doesn't matter to me most of the time, anything he doesn't do is so minor in comparison to what he DOES do. He is the most wonderfully amazing husband and father that I believe could ever exists. I am not the only one who knows it either. I hear a lot from other people and they are so right. There is never a day that I (nor my children) have ever questioned his love for us. He lets us know in every way how much he truly loves us.

I caught Stacy and miss Natalie in a very tender moment at the end of the day today. Snuggled up in his fav. chair, both asleep. It melted my heart.  We sure are proud of him for all that he does, but he was def. missed this week, though we support him all the way. So I think it was a nice way to end the week. He also played a couple rounds of Mouse Trap with Blake this evening, this has become Blake's new obsession, he loves that game, lol. They were def. in some need of some daddy time! I got to share some really special fun with Blake this week. Natalie and I got to attend the Field Day at his school. He had so much fun, and I was so excited to get to be there. I am also ecstatic about his upcoming End of the Year Program for Kindergarten! We just enrolled Blake in cub scouts and karate, and he is thrilled.

I went to the knee doctor (I have been having ongoing knee problems for close to a year, but intensely over the past 6 months- basically it is a mixed bag of problems all feeding from one another, my knee cap is dislocated, I have no tissues behind the knee cap, I have a baker's cyst as a result of all the fluid and I also have a small tear in my meniscus cartilage). I have been attending physical therapy, tried electroshock therapy, used the knee brace, tried walking in water, and every thing else they have suggested and my knee just keeps getting worse. It is limiting me in my daily activities, at 27 years old I feel like this should not be something I have to deal with. I can't even exercise without falling over in pain. Long periods on my feet are hard with it, taking the dog for a walk even....just every day life. So I have a decision to make. Keep trying these methods that appear to be to no avail, or have surgery. Sounds like a simple decision huh? I was ready for surgery, until he told me the risks. Apparently with this surgery there is a major increased risk for nerve damage and blood clots (I know, blood clots are a risk with any surgery, but is highly elevated with this particular one), the recovery is 3-4 months overall, the hardest part being 6 weeks before I could really function on my leg/walk again. I can deal with the recovery, though I will need a lot of help from family and loved ones with the kids..or really just Natalie. I am sure Blake will be a big help and Stacy can take off some time form work, but not an entire 3 weeks, much less 6 weeks. But I will find a way to get through, however the risks do worry me. I want to have surgery. I want my knee to stop limiting me. I mean, I do my best not to let it. My house stays clean, when the doctor tells me to let it go and rest my knee, I just can't do that. My kids are well taken care of by me. I still take them places and do things even if it hurts. But I want it to NOT hurt. I want my knee to be the last thing on my mind, not one of the firsts. I have put on weight since this knee thing began, and I fear I will continue to, because..though I get my stuff done, I don't exercise..I cannot. I mean it doesn't just hurt a little bit, it is unbearable and cause the conditions to worsen. My knee is quickly getting worse and worse from overuse as it is just cleaning and doing every day life. I certainly don't sit on my butt all day, but I don't go out for a walk just for fun. PT about kills me. My leg stays bruised up and down from fluid spreading. I just don't know what to do. I have about 3 weeks to make a decision. I am 99% sure I want the surgery, but what he said about the nerve damage and blood clots, I will admit, scared me. Nerve damage I could handle but the scary part to me was the blood clots. I just don't know....oh well I have blabbered to bed to snuggle with my sweet heart, he will be working the rest of the weekend, better enjoy it while I can. Back to an empty bed tomorrow night. :-(

Real are some pics from this week...

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