The Gruber Family: Cuffed and Loving It!

Family Update

2010-06-30T23:49:00.000-04:00

I know it has been a while since I updated. Summer is flying by and up until last week, the kids and I were having lots of fun, doing all kinds of things. But I had my knee surgery last Tuesday. It has been a lot rougher than I thought it would be, but they told me it would be this way. I have to rely on my hubby and others for everything, and after sitting here for a week and day, it has gotten really old, I have about 3 or 4 weeks of this left, then it will get to where I can get up and try to use it, but it will take about 4 months for total recovery, but other than the pain and frustration, I can't complain, the surgery looks to have been successful and all went well during surgery. My husband is doing an amazing job taking care of me and everyone and everything else. He goes back to work on July 5th though and my mom will be stepping in while he is at work.

The kids are doing good. Blake is still loving Karate and Natalie is talking A LOT more these days. Even some small sentences. She does something new every day. I just can't wait to feel better so I can get back to being mommy. :-)

Summer :-)

2010-06-03T20:41:00.000-04:00

So our summer is off to a great start! It started last Thursday with Blake's Kindergarten graduation where he got awards for outstanding behavior (this makes me very happy), physical education, reading acceleration, and outstanding sight words goals met. He is so very smart and so very well beahved, and athletic, more so than I realized. So proud of him, he is an amazing, well-rounded child. Bitter sweet though, because he is growing so fast! Sunday we took him to his first Atlanta Braves baseball game. He has always wanted to go, but he was too sick, or I was too pregnant, etc. All 4 of us went, and it was a blast, it was kids ultimate day at the park as well, so he got to do some extra special things, like participate in a parade around the field pre-game, get autographs, and run the bases after the game. He loved it!! I was proud of miss Natalie as well, she is only 18 months old and a very "routine" child. She takes her naps at certain times, bath, dinner, etc. is at the same time every day, but we were at the park form 10:30 a.m.- 5 p.m. and she didn't whine one time, she had a ball and she wanted to walk around herself most of the time, instead of being carried. It was a wonderful day. We have a lot of fun things planned for the summer, a summer reading program at the library, free kids movies at the theatre on Tuesdays, Blake just started Karate and Cub Scouts as well, and Natalie is going to do little tots gymnastics. PLus we have visits to the Aquarium, Six Flags, Stone Mountain, etc. planned as well. It's going to be a great summer, but I have been and plan to keep setting aside about an hour a day for Blake to keep up with his academics and reading. He loves it though, so not a problem!! :-)

Late Night Thoughts Stacy, the kids, and my knee

2010-05-15T00:11:00.000-04:00

It is 11:39 p.m., not too late but late enough that the house is quiet and my thoughts wonder. The kids are asleep and Stacy (who works nights, so he is usually up pretty late when he is off) has had an absolutely exhausting week, and he is asleep too. Even the dog is quiet. It is a rainy, stormy night. Here I sit, icing my knee, and though my knee hurts, and life is crazy sometimes. I feel so utterly blessed. This week it was highlighted to me again, just what a hero my husband is. He amazes me. My kids are a wonderful blessing of life. Everyday they make me smile. And their daddy is just quite simply an amazing dad. This week alone, he had SWAT competition all week, all day long, starting at 7 or 8 a.m. and ending around 6 or 7 p.m the first night, he got home from it and a few hours later they got a SWAT call out, he was gone ALL night, I mean till 6 a.m. the next morning, and went back to the competition after a very short nap. All of those guys are amazing. They were all exhausted. Then today many of them, including Stacy, got up early to be at a 5k Run to benefit the Special Olympics and even after the exhausting week they had had, they ran out in the heat over 4 miles for these very special children. They are some very special guys! Shortly after that he had a training class to attend. He came home and you could see he was exhausted, and I said to him "GO take a nap" I knew he could surely use one. But he doesn't want to. He wants to see me and his kids. I can't put it in to words, but he never disappoints me as a father,not that he disappoints me other ways lol, but ya know he isn't the BEST house keeper, etc., but it seems that really doesn't matter to me most of the time, anything he doesn't do is so minor in comparison to what he DOES do. He is the most wonderfully amazing husband and father that I believe could ever exists. I am not the only one who knows it either. I hear a lot from other people and they are so right. There is never a day that I (nor my children) have ever questioned his love for us. He lets us know in every way how much he truly loves us.

I caught Stacy and miss Natalie in a very tender moment at the end of the day today. Snuggled up in his fav. chair, both asleep. It melted my heart. We sure are proud of him for all that he does, but he was def. missed this week, though we support him all the way. So I think it was a nice way to end the week. He also played a couple rounds of Mouse Trap with Blake this evening, this has become Blake's new obsession, he loves that game, lol. They were def. in some need of some daddy time! I got to share some really special fun with Blake this week. Natalie and I got to attend the Field Day at his school. He had so much fun, and I was so excited to get to be there. I am also ecstatic about his upcoming End of the Year Program for Kindergarten! We just enrolled Blake in cub scouts and karate, and he is thrilled.

I went to the knee doctor (I have been having ongoing knee problems for close to a year, but intensely over the past 6 months- basically it is a mixed bag of problems all feeding from one another, my knee cap is dislocated, I have no tissues behind the knee cap, I have a baker's cyst as a result of all the fluid and I also have a small tear in my meniscus cartilage). I have been attending physical therapy, tried electroshock therapy, used the knee brace, tried walking in water, and every thing else they have suggested and my knee just keeps getting worse. It is limiting me in my daily activities, at 27 years old I feel like this should not be something I have to deal with. I can't even exercise without falling over in pain. Long periods on my feet are hard with it, taking the dog for a walk even....just every day life. So I have a decision to make. Keep trying these methods that appear to be to no avail, or have surgery. Sounds like a simple decision huh? I was ready for surgery, until he told me the risks. Apparently with this surgery there is a major increased risk for nerve damage and blood clots (I know, blood clots are a risk with any surgery, but is highly elevated with this particular one), the recovery is 3-4 months overall, the hardest part being 6 weeks before I could really function on my leg/walk again. I can deal with the recovery, though I will need a lot of help from family and loved ones with the kids..or really just Natalie. I am sure Blake will be a big help and Stacy can take off some time form work, but not an entire 3 weeks, much less 6 weeks. But I will find a way to get through, however the risks do worry me. I want to have surgery. I want my knee to stop limiting me. I mean, I do my best not to let it. My house stays clean, when the doctor tells me to let it go and rest my knee, I just can't do that. My kids are well taken care of by me. I still take them places and do things even if it hurts. But I want it to NOT hurt. I want my knee to be the last thing on my mind, not one of the firsts. I have put on weight since this knee thing began, and I fear I will continue to, because..though I get my stuff done, I don't exercise..I cannot. I mean it doesn't just hurt a little bit, it is unbearable and cause the conditions to worsen. My knee is quickly getting worse and worse from overuse as it is just cleaning and doing every day life. I certainly don't sit on my butt all day, but I don't go out for a walk just for fun. PT about kills me. My leg stays bruised up and down from fluid spreading. I just don't know what to do. I have about 3 weeks to make a decision. I am 99% sure I want the surgery, but what he said about the nerve damage and blood clots, I will admit, scared me. Nerve damage I could handle but the scary part to me was the blood clots. I just don't know....oh well I have blabbered enough..off to bed to snuggle with my sweet heart, he will be working the rest of the weekend, better enjoy it while I can. Back to an empty bed tomorrow night. :-(

Real quick..here are some pics from this week...

A Very Special Friend.

2010-04-29T12:22:00.004-04:00

You know sometimes it gets really lonely at night when Stacy is working, after the kids have gone to bed and I am a lucky woman. I have many wonderful friends, some I have had since I was just a little girl. I have a great sister and other family I know I can call if I need them. But I think each person on in our life has a special place. I would like to highlight one friend in particular at this moment, on those lonely nights, there is one person who always, I mean every night, takes the time to call me after the kids are asleep and the house is quiet and lonesome, she always calls to chat with me, and see how I am. We entertain one another, sometimes for 30 minutes, sometimes the chats last much longer. She understand being alone, as her husband used to work night shift and she is someone I can talk with...wait! I think I talk a lot more than she does, lol...she is someone who will sit and listen to me, ;-) I really appreciate this aspect of my life. It cheers me up when I am feeling down. She knows me and that I don't prefer the "quietness" when the day is done, I am not an "alone time" kind of person. Sometimes I think she probably has something better to do, but she calls me anyway cause she knows I need her. That means A LOT. I could say something special about each and every person in my life, but this is something that has become a routine I would not know what to do without. I love you Jenn and I appreciate you being there for me every night.

My heart is busting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-28T16:00:00.001-04:00

I am so proud of my son!!! He has always been smart and he has always, for the most part, been well behaved (minus the terrible two's, lol). He has always been very special and most who meet him notice that. His hunger for learning has always been big, and I have always worked hard to teach him all I thought I could. It paid off. He got his quarterly progress report from school and it was awesome! He reads an average of 46 words per minute, exceeding the standard 30 words per minute, he can read over 300 sight words, and he has read more books than anyone else in the entire Kindergarten! He did well in all areas and she said his behavior and manners were to be modeled after! I don't know if it is the first part or the last part that makes me more proud! I have been reading to Blake pretty much every single night since he was just a baby and it planted a love for reading and learning. I need something like this today too...I have been feeling strange ever since Stacy's heated moment at work, that I told about in my last post. BUT he has to go back to work tonight, and that is just the way it is, thankfully he will get off at midnight tonight, he only has to work half a shift because he has SWAT practice all day tomorrow. So he will only be gone for 6 short hours, and back home to snuggle with me. :-) But it was nice for Blake to come home with such awesome marks! It was the highlight of my day today and takes away form the anxious feeling I am having about Stacy going to work.

What is a battle?

2010-04-27T14:11:00.001-04:00

What is a battle? Some athletes consider going back out on the field or on the court, a battle. Some addicts battle their addiction. Some people battle feelings. Sick people have to battle cancer, disease, etc. And then we have our police officers who battle an array of things every time they put on that uniform. They choose to battle. It's a choice. No one made them do this, at some point in their life they wrote a blank check made payable to 'The People That We Serve and Protect', for an amount 'up to, and including their life'. That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country today who no longer understand that fact!

I always have known my husband's job is dangerous, but something happened this week that made it real clear. Everything is fine, he is a little banged up but he is ok. But the scenario could have gone differently, it had the potential to be very bad. I was listening to the scanner at that exact moment and I have to say I don't think I have ever been so scared. My days of listening to the scanner are over. You don't find out enough you only find out a little, and it is the little bit it takes to make you think the worst. My husband is in dangerous, scary situations everyday but without going into a bunch of details I can just simple say this one was different, more heated. I can't share all the details, and thank goodness it was the best scenario possible because my husband is smart and strong ;-) and he has amazing back up and good dispatchers. But it definitely made me think. Made me think that I wont nag him about not taking the trash out before he goes to work. I wont let that last moment, should it ever be, be bad. I will only give him the best part of me. I wont sweat the small things and I wont make a big deal out of little things. I will appreciate him more and love him even harder. Will you do these things for the one you love? It shouldn't take a scary situation to make us realize we should always strive to be kinder, more loving, and cherish every moment. Police officer or not, you never know when the last time will be. NEVER. Treat every moment as if it is your last.

What Do You Spend Money On? 22 ounces of frangrance

2010-04-21T22:48:00.001-04:00

Everyone, well not everyone, but according to statistics, MOST people have SOMETHING they splurge on that is completely unnecessary. I don't do this often. Before I had kids and lost my job of 10 years, maybe I did it a little more, in fact before I got married and had kids, I was a shop-a-holic! BIG TIME. My husband (boyfriend at the time) had to cut up my credit cards after I was in over my head. Those days are long gone, but we all (or as I said, MOST) have something they splurge on when maybe they shouldn't. But we are all perfectly imperfect, are we not? Some get manicures and pedicures. Some have a fascination with jewelry. Shoes are a common one, as are clothes. Some people collect things and that is their "splurge". I do spend a lot of money on my kids in general, but I think we all do huh? And when I say a lot of money, I mean in the terms of I buy them new clothes before I buy myself. That type of thing. So if I had to say something I truly splurge on for myself, it would be Yankee Candles. I absolutely have a love affair with those candles and refuse any other kind. Do I have the kind of money to be so picky? Nope. And would I buy them if it meant other things would go suffer? Heck no! But if I have some extra money just for me...that is where it is going, and my husband knows if he is in search of a special present for me, nothing will thrill me like those 22 ounces of fragrance, lol. My favorite scent at this time is Blueberry Scone. YUM! SO..what do you spend money on?

Thought for the day....

2010-04-19T13:23:00.004-04:00

I love my past, I love my present. I am not ashamed of what I have had, and I am not sad because I no longer have it.

I read this quote today and I thought, how true! I don't regret my past. It made me who I am and that is exactly who I want to be. It taught me things that I needed to learn to live the best life possible today. Even when it hurt, even when it was bad, my past was the best tool for my future. I love my present even more, of course. :-) I have the most wonderful life. It is not glamorous, nor is always interesting to others. No one will ever ask to write a book about me, lol, or want to see my name in lights. BUT my husband, children, friends, and loved ones love me. :-) Even during the most difficult times I would not trade my life. I would trade what my kids have been through, but I know that I cannot, so we take it and the lessons from it. We take the good from the bad as best we can. Never focus on your past, or try to go back, because you definitely cannot. But you can take from it all you want and let it make the future better.

Raising Happiness

2010-04-18T13:11:00.001-04:00

The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. ~Jill Churchill

I recently read this book. It is a GREAT parenting book! I recommend it to everyone. But I saw where another friend on a website was raving about it as well, and decided to share my thoughts about it. Of course the number one thing we all want our kids to be is healthy, I know this better than anyone but we also want them to be happy. We want them to be lots of other things too though...well mannered, well rounded, loving, self motivated, kind, compassionate, grateful, confident, optimistic, respectful, active.

I can say without a doubt my child (referring to Blake, as Natalie is still so small) is all of these things. I am so proud of him, but I read the book, not because I was having any trouble with Blake, but because I had heard it was a good book. I hope that Blake always continues on the path he is on, and I hope his sister follows in his footsteps. We get compliments on his behavior constantly, from his teacher to friends and family to complete strangers always are impressed with him, and then there are a select few he likes to show out in front of, lol.

Anyway, the book is good if you are having problems with attitudes or behavior. I was reading an overview of the book and this sums it up a little better than I could. Here are the key points in the book:

• the best way avoid raising a brat—changing bad habits into good ones
• tips on how to change your kids’ attitude into gratitude
• the trap of trying to be perfect—and how to stay clear of its pitfalls
• the right way to praise kids—and why too much of the wrong kind can be just as bad as not enough
• the spirit of kindness—how to raise kind, compassionate, and loving children
• strategies for inspiring kids to do boring (but necessary) tasks—and become more self-motivated in the process

With great wit, wisdom, and compassion, Carter covers the day-to-day pressure points of parenting—how best to discipline, get kids to school and activities on time, and get dinner on the table—as well as the more elusive issues of helping children build healthy friendships and develop emotional intelligence. In these 10 key steps, she helps you interact confidently and consistently with your kids to foster the skills, habits, and mindsets that will set the stage for positive emotions now and into their adolescence and beyond. Inside you will discover

A boy and his dog

2010-04-18T12:59:00.000-04:00

Watching Blake with Major the last few days reassures me that we made the right choice in getting him a dog. He is very responsible with the dog, and very gentle and loving with him but also playful. Blake has always been loving and gentle, it is one of the things I love about him. He is all boy, don't get me wrong, but he knows when to be gentle. He is an extraordinary little boy! He deserved a little K-9 best friend. It really brings me joy to watch the two of them. :-)

Introducing...Major! (with pics below)

2010-04-16T00:09:00.000-04:00

In my last post I told you about our new Yorkie...we finally found a name..."Major". He is wonderful! I know it is only day 1, but he has not had an accident so far. He was paper trained, and we are using that method, but we are slowly going to transition him to only going outside in the grass. I took him out there a few times today/tonight and each time he peed and one time he pooped :-) He has a great personality. He is very playful, but also loves to just love on you and be a lap dog. He is great with the kids, and they adore him already. Major is a wonderful addition to our family and we have all fallen in love with him very quickly. He doesn't even whine when you crate him for the night. Here are a ton of pics of Major and the kids reactions to him:

Major:

Natalie's reactions when she saw him for the first time:

Blake with Major for the first time:

More of Major:

Dog Days

2010-04-15T12:01:00.000-04:00

We are getting a dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am! Really. I am like a kid at Christmas. It is a Yorkie, the cutest little dogs ever...I could be bias though, ;-) We had a Yorkie for 3 years, it was a wedding present to me from my husband. I had wanted a yorkie FOREVER and he finally got me one. His name was Carson and we loved that little guy more than anything. Until we had Blake. Carson was our baby, but then, like most young couples, we wanted a real baby. Well fur baby did not take well to real baby. And I had to pick one. lol Seriously though, poor Carson was really jealous of Blake and it was causing a lot of problems, he never became aggressive towards him really, but he starting peeing on everything and jumping on the baby. Tearing things up. We tried and tried and the vet said "He wasn't raised with kids, he was the baby and he isn't going to adjust." So we found him the most loving home and I cried every day for a long time.

But here are in present day and Blake longs for an animal. He is allergic to everything with fur (chinchillas, cats, guinea pigs, etc.) BUT it just so happens that YORKIES are different. They have human hair and he is NOT allergic to them. So long story short we all agreed it was time. I just my hubby to go pick up the dog about an hour and half away, they should be back in a couple hours and then we have to pick a name. So far Blake likes Yoda (Star Wars fanatic), Stacy like Major or Leo, and I like Finnegan( Finn for short). Pics and name update soon to come.

Who Killed Kelsey?

2010-04-13T22:59:00.000-04:00

I am currently reading this book, it is the saddest book I have ever read. It is a true story of 2 year old Kelsey Briggs who was abused most of her life by her mother and step father, and the system failed her. They returned her back in to the arms of the sick people who were hurting her, because "the best place for a child is with their mother" and shortly after she was returned to them, they beat her so badly that she passed away. I wasn't sure I wanted to read this book. I had followed Kelsey's case when it happened. When the book came out, I wanted to know what had happened to the mother and step father, because I knew they were having a hard time proving who did it. At some parts in the book, I had to lay the book down and cry. One night after reading a few chapters, I just wanted to go wake my kids up and tell them one more time how much I loved them.

It has still be undetermined for sure who gave her the final blow to the stomach that actually killed her, but they were both sentenced to life in prison for multiple charges. Thought neither were charged with murder in the first degree. But they both killed her slowly. Abusing her, and covering for one another. It sickens me to think how ANYONE could hurt a child, any child, your own or otherwise. What could a baby or a child do to make you want to hurt them?? I don't know that I would recommend this book, but I will say that it is a good way to raise awareness of child abuse and the warning signs that people may miss.

Hug your babies tight and love them every chance you get! If you ever feel the need to hurt your child, please get help instead. You can get help, if you need to, do so! The signs of child abuse and neglect and the information to get help can be found on www.kelseybriggsfoundation.org/ It is up to us to protect the innocent and the weak! If you know someone who is abusing their children, please do the right thing!

Life is not a gurantee...

2010-04-13T00:36:00.001-04:00

This is long, but I think it is well worth the read. We don't like surprises at our house, because we have had a lot of bad ones. But one thing I learned for sure, never, EVER take the ones you love for granted. Many times when people hear this though, their thoughts automatically shift to a spouse or a parent. Maybe a friend or sibling. For Stacy and I, our thoughts shift to our children. Now, that is not to say that I take any of the above listed for granted. I know my husband has a dangerous job, and I never take that man for granted, I let him know I love him each and every time I can, and I also know that it doesn't take a dangerous job for someone you love to be taken from you. But I definitely learned this the hard way, unfortunately from my children. I wanted to share, for those who don't know me that well. Please take this to heart, this is a true account that we wish was make-believe.

When Blake was diagnosed in Jan. 2007, we didn't know how bad it was or how it would end up. Thankfully he has been doing good since September 2008, and with each check up we pray that continues, but we know that could change in a heart beat. His surgeries were 8 and 10 hours long, that is a long time for anesthesia for a child that in itself was scary, and because of the nature and location of them, his surgeries were just as risky as the disease itself. It was a scary, dark time. And it was then that my life and my outlook on such changed. I stopped taking things for granted. I started thanking God for every day that I, my husband and my child woke up.

Then miss Natalie came along. The ray of sunshine we needed in the darkest of times we had faced. She was perfectly healthy and the light of her brothers eyes, as they both were to us. Just as her brother had his last major surgery (so far) and finally on his way to a true remission, she was getting ready to make her entrance into this world. And then 3 short months after she arrived, we were at CHOA again, but this time we were praying over her bed in the Scottish Rite PICU, begging God to let her make it through the night with her pertussis. When the odds were stacked against her and her little body was all fought out, and with every struggled, gurgled, breath she took, I held mine, hoping it was not her last one, but she made it! The doctors called it a true miracle. And it was, and it just magnified what I already knew was true. You can't take anything for granted, NONE of us, not even babies, are promised tomorrow. I think what tore me up the most, is when we finally got to take Natalie home from Scottish Rite, family members where he had been staying while we were with her, brought Blake home and I found him later that night, in her room, while she slept. He was crying. He said "Mommy, I was so scared (keep in mind, NO ONE told Blake how deathly sick Natalie really was), I was so scared that she might go to Jesus and she was hurting like I had to hurt. But I asked Jesus to not take my sister. I don't want to not see her everyday."

We went through some really hard times as parents, within an 18 month span, we watched both of our children become be attacked by two different monsters that we could not prevent and had no control over. One was in the form of tumors and one was in the form of a virus. We watched two healthy kids become fragile, weak and fight for their lives. We watched them hurt. We watched them go through things children should never have to go through, but mine did, and so many others do as well. I would have traded places with either one of them in a heart beat. I used to think it was just bad luck and I used to ask God if he thought it was funny, or how in the world could he possibly hand us anymore? Every time I turned around I was afraid it was bad news about my children. Every time Blake's ear hurt or Natalie sneezed, I worried. But I see the blessing in disguise. You have to take the bad and try to find the good. I can't change what happened to my children. I can only thank God that they are still here and take a lesson from it. The lesson is, as I have already stated. Never take it for granted. Love them as much as you possibly can and enjoy every minute that you can with them. For no one knows what tomorrow holds.

I love my husband and children more than words from this keyboard could ever express. I can't put it into words. Stacy and I know what it is like to feel like the whole world is stacked against you and there is nothing you can do about it. I don't think you can grasp the whole feeling that we felt and still do feel unless you have been through the types of things we have with our kids. And for those of you who have never had to feel that, praise God! For those that have, you know what I am talking about here. That feeling. The feeling that something is happening to your child and you can't do a damn thing about it. You have to put your trust in doctors and God. But you can't shoot it, you can't smother it, you can't run away from it. You have to face it, head on. My husband is the strongest man I know. He is a hero among men, but even he felt defeat in the wake of what we went though. His words to me in reference to Blake on the day he went in for his first major surgery were " I can stop a bad guy and I can lift twice my weight in the gym, I can fix anything that needs fixing and I can out run most people, but I cannot stop this for Blake and for that I feel like failure and the weakest man in the world, my son thinks I can move mountains, but I can't protect him from this and I can't out run, stop, lift, or fix his hurt."

We never showed the kids how scared we were. We reserved those moments for private moments in a hospital elevator, or a bathroom, or a quick trip to grab clean clothes before going back to the hospital. We put up a strong front. But we know what is like to see the child you love so much flash before your eyes and to have to even consider the fact that something might take them from you.

Tell those you love that you love them. And tell them every chance you can. Enjoy every little, single moment. Make the best out of the worst, and the most out of nothing. If your a parent, realize what a privilege that is. If your kids are healthy, realize what a TRUE blessing that is. It doesn't matter whose child is dressed best, the smartest, the best, etc. If they are healthy you need to get on your knees and praise God for that. I do everyday now. And I hope that I continue to get to thank him for healthy children! If you took the time to read this, I would ask that you always keep us in your prayers, but especially Blake. While his battles are over for now, the war continues. At any time, the tumor could have a significant growth, it is expected to happen, we just don't know when that will be. Maybe one day we can look back and say "they were wrong, it never grew again." But I don't know what the future holds and so I just ask God day by day, for another day of healthiness for Blake.

Family Update

2010-04-12T21:24:00.002-04:00

I have been slacking in my blogging. Things have been hectic! Stacy has been busy with SWAT, training, and reg. patrol and so that sort of adds more to my boat, but I don't mind. Even when it is frustrating, it is worth it. He is doing so well in his career and when he is home he does his very best to make up for being gone. I truly could not ask for a better man. I think God hand picked him for me! :-) I got to have my little man, Blake, home for Spring Break last week. That was nice. I missed him today when school started back. We didn't do anything special last week, but we did lots of little things that were fun. Natalie is really growing. She is talking more and doing more. I created another blog today that will track her progress with a popular system called "My Baby Can Read". It will soon be listed with my other blogs. But this will remain my main blog. Things are going well, everyone is healthy, and if you know us well enough, you know how much that means. It means more than anything! My knee is coming along. Found out surgery is not an option right now after all. Not sure if I feel like that is a good or bad thing. But I started some intense physical therapy in hopes to strengthen things in there and ease the pain. At the end of the day, if all I have to complain about is my knee, then I am good!

Random thoughts...

2010-01-31T12:37:00.002-05:00

It has NOT been a fun weekend. Blake's ear was acting up, and of course for us this is a bigger deal than most, it was the ear he has/had the tumor's in. His otolaryngologist thinks it is just the cold weather getting to it this time and not something bigger, but we will see. The expect the tumor to grow soon, but I have been thinking that God is bigger than the odds. Hoping and praying that the tumor never grows again.

Then to top it off my monthly visitor (aunt flow) arrived very late this month and then when she finally did come, OH MAN. She came with a fury! It has been so painful and hard!! I was in the fetal position for most of the last 24 hours and puking my head off as well, and my husband called in last night and used some comp. time. He NEVER calls in. EVER. There have been times I needed him home so badly and he just could not take off work, but they had been wanting him to use 12 hours of his comp. time so it worked out well, I was so thankful he was here. He gets to stay home again tonight because he has SWAT school all week starting at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow. So he was already off tonight, that is helpful too. I am no longer in the fetal position and puking, but I am still hurting badly. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, it better be, it is all me next week on my own with the kiddos and baby Aidan. If it is not better, then oh well I guess, right? lol That is being a mom. I was lucky to get the break I got yesterday! So I wont whine. Definitely going back to see about getting a hysterectomy though, I don't have any SERIOUS life threatening problems in that area, but I do have a lot of minor, painful issues that are making my monthly visitors so bad. I was told at one point I am a candidate for hysterectomy, but now thanks to an insurance change, I have to start over with a new doctor. I was putting off going because it seemed to have improved for a while, but after the last couple days, I know I gotta go back now.

Please say a prayer for Stacy at SWAT school next week. I have heard it is hell on Earth. They say it is the hardest thing they will ever have to do, way harder than academy and his academy was military style. The first thing he has to do is shoot 99% on an active shooter course. If he doesn't do that, he will come home and go back again another week. He will keep going till he gets it, MANY of the guys do not get it the first day. Many of the guys on his own SWAT team have had to leave and go back till they get it, so it wont be a HUGE deal, but I know he wants to go ahead and get it and be done with it. They shoot on the first day (tomorrow). So we shall see. PRAY!

8TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!

2010-01-18T20:47:00.006-05:00

These pictures are from our wedding, Jan. 19th 2002. Tomorrow is our 8th wedding anniversary! We have been together about 10 years, well we met 10 years ago, and then I rejected him for about 6 months because I didn't want a boyfriend (I had just gotten out of a serious relationship) but he was HOTTT and sweet and persistent, lol. So I finally caved and man am I glad I did. I was 19 when we got married and he was 26. I still had some growing up to do for a while and he saw me through that, but other than that it has been the most magical 8 years. More than I could have ever dreamed of. He treats me like a queen, and I am serious. Not in the way that he bows at my feet but the way he loves me and respects me and he always appreciates me and makes me feel good about myself. He never puts me down and he wont allow anyone else to do so either. My one complaint would be that he does not clean, but hey I am OCD about cleaning enough for the both of us, lol. I don't mind doing it 99% of the time. He works really hard and I get to stay home, not that that isn't work, but you know what I mean. The thing about it is, he never EXPECTS me to do all the things I do, and so it makes me want to do it. He does cook though, he is an awesome cook! He is a terrific dad, my dad pretty much sucked so I am so glad that I married a man that could give my kids the kind of dad I always dreamed of. :-) He is romantic and he still flirts with me and keeps our relationship young, but he knows when to be serious, even though he is a big kidder and always making me laugh. As marriages go, we have one of the best and I mean that with all my heart. To know that your husband truly loves you, truly appreciates you and no matter what woman walked in the room, it would only be you that he wanted is priceless. That is the kind of love I have. He keeps it intimate all while still being my very best friend. I trust him above all others. He is my prince charming, he is my soul mate and he is mine and he has been since the day we met. :-) He is the sweetest man on earth. I am lucky to call him my husband and his friends will tell you, they are lucky to have him as a friend. He is just simply a very amazing person. I don't know what I would do without him. He lets me know how much he loves me everyday, sometimes he goes way out of his way to do so. I have never felt unloved by him. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!!!!!! I love you!!!

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes :-)

2010-01-12T20:44:00.002-05:00

Natalie learned where her ears, nose, eyes and mouth are a while back and the last couple weeks she has learned head, tummy, knees, toes, shoulders, fingers and chin. She loves to show everyone, lol and point out everyone else body parts as well, lol.

Not much else to report here just business as usual. Snow is about gone. I am working on a blog to share Blake's story at my husband's request and a couple other family members. I did want THIS blog to be about the bad things they have been through medically, but after a few requests I am going to make one for his story and link it to here. I already posted about the one that I did for Natalie and her story. It will be nice to be able to have somewhere to keep track and give updates for those who follow his check ups and tests so closely. AND a place to tell people to go when they want his whole story.

That's about it. It was quite a day today, Baby Aidan was very, very fussy, I busted Natalie's lip on complete accident while zipping up her sleeper style pj's. :-(

Pertussis Awareness

2010-01-11T15:12:00.002-05:00

I have put a link on my page for another blog that I started for pertussis awareness and my own daughter's story. I am not going to go into detail on here, that is what the awareness blog is for, but if you have a child or love a child, which almost everyone does or you are just simply around children often. Please check it out for me, if not for me, then for Natalie and the millions of infants like she was.

Our Iceopacolypse

2010-01-09T00:27:00.008-05:00

It has been a crazy 24+ hours. Especially if you were my husband or many of the other officers out working last night, today and tonight. The weather forecast called for a "light dusting of snow". Well we got about 1 1/2 - 2 inches, not a problem,...but the ICE they did not call for, was. It was so bad that all the roads around here were COVERED in a solid blanket of ice. Stacy worked out in it all night last night and tonight, he said his car was "ice skating all over the road" all night. He hit a mailbox, got stuck a few times, and spun his car around and around a few times as well. They dealt with one wreck after another after another. My husband usually does not deal with wrecks, they have two officers on their shift they work all the wrecks, he deals with drugs, gangs, violence and answers dispatched calls aside from wrecks, but all they all did last night was work wrecks. Most of them they had to walk to because they could not get their patrol cars down the road on the ice either. Even the police were getting stuck. He had one call in one spot that started with a lady sliding on the ice and running into a house, then the homeowner got pissed, ran out with a gun....during that call his patrol car and an officer who came to back him up got their cars stuck, and they also hit the homeowners mailbox from sliding on the ice, AND there were 4 more wrecks during this time in front of that house. It was a scary night for the officer, or more so for all the wives at home worrying about their husbands driving around on the ice all night. It was really, really bad. Cars in ditches, some abandoned, all over the place, multiple car pile ups back to back and cars stuck at the bottom of hills because they could not get up the hill. Thankfully Stacy made it back home to us safe and sound, and FREEZING cold this morning. He is back out there tonight but it is not quite as bad tonight, the main roads have improved greatly, though the side roads are still a problem.

As for the actual snow itself, the kids loved it. Well correction, BLAKE loved it, not Natalie. I wouldn't let her out there too much anyway, it was 5 degrees with the windchill, way too cold for her and super windy. I made Blake bundle up in multiple layers and he got to build a snow man and we had a snowball fight. He has really enjoyed it. The snow is beautiful, just wish there was not that intense ice. You expect a little ice with snow, but not like that, not where all of the roads in your entire town are just solid sheets of ice. It is not supposed to get above freezing for a few days here with the windchill so it will be messy for a few days to come but I think the worst is over. While daddy was working and sleeping, we spent some time playing in the snow, but it is SO cold you can't stay out there more than 30 minutes or so so we went out once yesterday evening when it started, and then a few times today. Other than that we stayed warm, dry and cozy (unlike poor Stacy) with lots of movies and hot chocolate and cookies and such to warm our tummy's. :-) I am posting up a a few pics of the snow.

Baby, Toddler, Big Kid

2010-01-05T10:04:00.001-05:00

Ok, I think I am finally ready to write. Blake goes back to school tomorrow I sure am going to miss him, but Christmas break ends tomorrow. I started baby sitting a baby boy, Aidan, yesterday. It is an adjustment to figure out how to satisfy him and Natalie at the same time and she is DEFINITELY jealous, but today was a little easier than yesterday and I am sure I will have it together in no time. Watching Aidan though, and how small he is (he is almost 3 months old) reminds me of how big my kids are. Especially Blake, but even Natalie seems so much bigger compared to Aidan and she was an itty bitty premature baby. She talks and walks and plays and laughs and sings now. Time went by SO fast, and then with Blake, well now that he is 6 that just speaks for itself, it has been a long time since he was even as little as his sister, much less Aidan.

We made the decision when Natalie was a few months old to permanently ensure we would not have any more children. Not because I do not love babies and children. And it is not like we don't think our kids are the best thing to ever happen to us. I just had two really hard pregnancies, my doctors don't recommend anymore, and financially I don't think we can afford anymore babies. I always said I just wanted a boy and a girl, so I guess I got what I wanted,and I love them more than life itself, but like most overly hormonal women, when I get around an itty bitty baby, I question my decision. When these two are 5 and 10 will I wish I could have another baby??? I guess the good thing is that the route we chose (vasectomy for Stacy) is 100% reversible, just might cost a lot, but still it is always an option if it ever gets to that point.

Anyway, babies are precious...as are all children. I heard someone refer to a child as a devil child yesterday and that just disturbs me beyond belief. It does happen to be a child I know and have known since he was about 12-18 months old I think, he is dear to me, but either way, you don't refer to a child like that! He is just a child. And he is precious. And I know his mommy can see this so she should know her son is amazing!!!!! To be clear, she did not call him that, she knows he is amazing :-0

Hello 2010

2010-01-03T12:48:00.001-05:00

Well, 2009 is over. It was a pretty good year, the beginning was rough with Natalie getting so sick, but all in all it has been a good year! Blake turned 6 last week, I cannot believe that! He had a great birthday. He is such a big boy now, he really is. I am so proud of him. Christmas was good. The kids got way too much stuff, as usual, but they are not complaining, lol. Tomorrow I start a new adventure. I will be watching my friends baby boy (he is only a couple months old) Mon.- Fri. while she works. I worked at an office for 10 years, but I was laid off this Sept. and became a stay at home mom with miss Natalie. I am excited to have the baby here, Blake goes to school of course and so there isn't much for miss Natalie and I to do with the frigid cold weather. The baby will give us something to do for sure, lol. I thought I would have a lot more to say about Christmas, the New Year and Blake's birthday, but I think I am mentally exhausted after all the chaos that is the holidays. Maybe I will come back later for a better blog. ?? I will add some pics later as well.

Natalie being a little mommy....

2009-12-28T02:43:00.001-05:00

We had a wonderful Christmas but I will blog about that later, however I had to share this...A lot of times I have to rock Natalie to sleep and I always pat her back while I rock her. Well she got a baby stuffed Elmo for Christmas, it is small enough sized that she can hold it like a baby. So she woke up during the night a little bit ago (she is not feeling well) and as I was getting ready to rock her back to sleep, she had Elmo in hand as she has since she got him, and she picked him up, held him up to her chest like you would a small child or baby and began to rock back and forth and pat his back and sing to him. JUST LIKE I DO HER. lol Then she looked up at me and smiled and gave me a kiss. As if to say "Mommy I love you". I just grabbed her up and gave her a BIG mommy hug and kiss and rocked her back to sleep. I love being a mommy!!!!

You forget how much they learn form you by simply watching!!!! It was the sweetest thing, I am hoping she will do it again in the morning for her daddy...that would melt his heart (even more than she already does, lol)The picture above is Natalie and her baby Elmo on Christmas morning.

Christmas Poop

2009-12-23T09:57:00.001-05:00

LOL well it is the day before Christmas Eve and I don't know who is more excited...me or Blake. I can't wait to share this time with family and see the excitement on the kids faces from Santa. But we are also making a very strong point to remind Blake (Natalie is to little to understand) the true reason for Christmas and he will tell you all about Jesus' birthday and why it is so important, but still he is a typical kid, excited about presents.

This morning was interesting, my kids are always early risers so getting up at 5:30 is not any different from any other morning but this morning I was awoken to the sound of Blake laughing hysterically, and when I went in the room to see what was so funny I saw what he was laughing at...Natalie butt naked and poop everywhere. She had take on her pajama pants, and her diaper and smeared poop everywhere. I had to scrub her down, it was in her hair, her fingernails and on her face. BARF! I am trying to pretend she did not possible eat any, but Blake says she did. BARF again! And getting her cleaned up and settled I spent a good hour scrubbing everything down and disinfecting it. Finally got her sheets and comforter washed and dried and everything back like it was before the poop incident, it was a mess though and both kids continued to laugh for quite a while after wards and I have to admit, I was laughing a bit too...but I was grossed out more than anything. It is never boring with kids.

I will be sad to see Christmas go, it comes so fast and amidst all the chaos it almost feels like you don't get to really enjoy it. We are continuing all our Christmas traditions (Christmas PJ's, Reindeer food, cookies for Santa, Christmas story before bed, etc.) this year. Every year I get the kids a new pair of Christmas pajamas to give them on Christmas Eve. I went ahead and showed them to Blake this morning and he is very excited about them.

Tomorrow we will be going to my moms for Christmas Eve with my family...I have a huge family and the kids always get entirely too many toys there, but even though it is chaotic, we always enjoy it and then we come home and wait for them to fall asleep so we can play Santa. But this year on Christmas Day we are staying home, we have told family and friends they are welcome at our house all day that day, but we aren't going any where. I am making Christmas dinner for the 4 of us. This is something I have never gotten to do, because we always have to rush off to other people's houses, I mean I always have to cook a lot to take to my mom's house the night before, but I am excited to do a whole meal for my husband and kids and let the kids stay home and play with their new toys AND to let my husband have a relaxing day..he has been working like crazy between regular patrol and traffic duty he has only had one day off in the last 2 weeks and they are 10 and 12 hour shifts..he is exhausted and in need of a day of rest, he is off tomorrow but he has to cook the 2 turkey's for mom's house and it is not a day of rest, lol.

I look forward to the new year, new years always bring new happiness. I feel very blessed for the husband I have and the children we have. I don't have much to complain about. I do hope that Blake stays in remission of his tumor, and as long as that is the case, I feel that everything else is just "small stuff" and you don't sweat the small stuff. ;-)

2009-12-15T10:59:00.000-05:00

Only 10 more days until Christmas! I am so excited. I have everything right down to the batteries and stocking suffers already, this is a HUGE feat for me, as I am usually running around on Christmas Eve getting the last minute items. It has been a wonderful Christmas season so far already. I took the kids to see Santa in our town's lighting of the tree a couple weeks ago, Natalie wanted NOTHING to do with him and I only got a picture of Blake with him so Blake's school was hosting Breakfast with Santa this past Saturday and I thought "Another chance to get a picture of BOTH kids with Santa!" Yeah....not so much! She sat there this time but she screamed the entire time, lol. Blake was like that as a baby. Speaking of Blake being a baby, at the end of this month my little boy will be 6 years old. I can't say that without recounting the years to assure I have not added that wrong. 6 years has flown by and that little boy is my biggest hero! He has been through so many hardships with his tumors and surgeries and constant catscans and check ups but he has come out on top. He just had a check up recently, it went well. We are clear for another 4 weeks. Through all Blake went through, and continues to go through, he always smiles and is happy. He is so tough and so strong. He is doing excellent in school, he gets in trouble about once a week for talking too much, but his teacher says if she had a room full of kids like Blake she would be happy, lol.

I get on to him for the excessive talking, but there is a part of me that thinks, thank God he can. His tumor and the surgeries themselves compromise the never that is crucial for the opening and closing of the mouth, for talking, for eating. This is just ONE risk of his disease. SO while I don't let him know it, I am pretty glad my little man can talk too much. :-) Other than that he doesn't get in trouble for anything. His teacher says he is smart, kind, polite and well behaved. He loves science, reading and building. He can now read on a 1st grade advanced level. He is having his big birthday party this coming Saturday, since his birthday is so close to Christmas (5 days after) we decided to do his party early this year. He is very excited about that. All his little friends will be there. He is also excited that his Nana and Papa are coming into town and Thursday and we be able to come to his party. They will leave on Saturday.

Natalie is doing great, amazingly she leaves the Christmas tree alone and the presents as well. I remember when Blake was her age, it was a constant battle of getting him to leave them alone, but she just kind of ignores it. Seems like if you tell her "No" about something just one time, that pretty much does it for her. NOW she has other issues, lol, but she is not as stubborn as her brother was at her age ;-) I can already tell that she will follow in her brother's footsteps (and my husband says these were my footsteps first) in that she is a little comedian, she loves it if she can make you laugh and she is just silly! :-) She makes me laugh all day long. Well with the busy next 10 days coming up this may be the last time I write until after Christmas, so Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

Every 53 hours a police officer is killed in the line of duty....

2009-12-09T15:53:00.000-05:00

The blue line represents all law enforcement who daily protect this nation. The black background was designed as a constant reminder of our fallen officers.

These statistics are something I typically put out of my mind and try not to dwell on, but when I see them, they chill me to the bone. I can't help but think of my husband and other officers I know every time I read these: Every 27 minutes a police officer is seriously injured in the line of duty, every 53 hours an officer is killed in the line of duty, the number one killer is gun fire and the second is car wrecks. Recent events have compelled me to write something honoring our fallen heroes. The ones that walk the streets at home every day and every night. Some you never hear about in the media and bigger ones you do, such as the recent 4 gunned down while sitting in a coffee shop, getting ready to start their shift, in Washington. 1 husband, 3 wives and 9 children lost their wife, husbands, mother and fathers. Also in the last week. among many others, an officer was killed next door in AL. He leaves behind a wife and two small children. He was gunned down on a routine traffic stop (as so many are), by a pharmacist. A PHARMACIST, someone that is not thought to be dangerous. Officers are killed just doing their job, or in the case of the 4 WA and the 4 PA officers they are killed simply for wearing their uniform. Please take a moment each day to pray for the safety of our heroes here at home. They are more than police officers, they are dads, moms, husbands, wives, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, Christians, and many other things. Most of all they are heroes. Every time they put on that uniform they know there is a chance they may not come home. I say a prayer for my husband, his fellow officers, his department and all the other officers (and when I say officer I mean police officer, detective, deputy sheriff, state patrol,Sgt., Lt.,etc. they are all one in the same, they are officers) every day and often more than just once or twice a day. They are a band of brotherhood (or sisterhood ;-) ) and they are our American Heroes. We stand behind them, we are the family standing behind the badge and our thoughts and prayers are with the fallen heroes and their departments, families and friends left behind, especially their spouses and children who suffer the most. Next time you see an officer of the law, say thank you. You have no idea what they go through for you.

No snow and other ramblings

2009-12-05T15:08:00.001-05:00

Well NO snow today...maybe soon. It is COLD enough for sure, but I guess the precipitation didn't make it to our county, it did snow in other parts of our state. Today has been a lazy day. I usually live for these days, but we have had too many lately, I have a cartilage tear in my knee, and so I am down, have been since Thanksgiving night, and will be until Tuesday when I get my knee drained. I can't hardly walk on my knee, so taking both the kids anywhere right now by myself is not really an option and my husband has to work all weekend this weekend. It's ok though, we are stocked up on lots of Christmas movies and Christmas crafts for Blake to do.

I do have a funny story though, this morning the kids were playing in their room while I was having my coffee and catching up on emails. Blake (keep in mind he is almost 6, his sister just turned 1) comes running out and saying "MOM my eye!", he had a black eye! I asked what he did (assuming he had hit himself in the eye with a toy or something) and he says "Natalie whacked me in the eye." I tried to compose myself and not laugh, but it was a little humorous, that this itty, bitty little toddler girl whooped up on her big, tough brother, lol. I think she will be giving him a run for his money, she is feisty.

In other news, today I am floored at the audacity of some people. Women tend to stick together, but I find this especially true when they have a common bond such as being childhood friends, co-workers, and I see this just as often in police wives, especially when their husband work at the same department. But I witnesses one police wife verbally harass another today via a common social website. I will admit that one was my friend and so maybe I am partial to her, but it was quite ridiculous. Why are some women so crazy? She totally jumped down my friends throat over NOTHING. It was disturbing. My friend's husband is new to that department and she (the other girl) should be welcoming and kind to my friend, not vicious and cold. What ever happened to the family feeling of a police department???? I feel quite confident that this lady probably has very little friends, and I don't even know her. Oh well my friend doesn't need someone like that in her life anyway. I know my friend and I say it was the other girls loss.

Getting Ready For Christmas

2009-12-04T22:37:00.001-05:00

We are gearing up for Christmas at our house. I already bought all the Christmas presents except 3, they are already wrapped and under the tree (except Santa presents, which are stowed away in our closet), I was ahead of the game this year, for once. Blake has a lot of exciting activities coming up for Christmas at school. The way the world is now I was afraid they would not be able to celebrate Christmas openly at school, I was glad to know they are. It is going to be a busy few weeks, but this always has been and always will be my favorite time of year. It is also a busy time for my husband at work, but at least he will be home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...the next 3 years he has to work, so we are going to make this one a Christmas to remember! I have so much to cook for Christmas Eve at my mom's but I haven't even given that much thought yet, we have to get through Blake's 6th birthday party first, then Christmas food comes next. This is the first year we are having his party early. His birthday is Dec. 30th, but to try to cut down on the chaos and every thing we decided to have his party on Dec. 19th this year...not sure yet if that was a good idea or not, lol! It is supposed to snow here tonight, Blake is highly anticipating it, guess we shall see when we wake up.

Introduction

2009-12-04T20:52:00.000-05:00

My name is Julie. I am 27 years old, I met my husband, Stacy, in 2000 and we have been married for almost 8 amazing years. He is the most wonderful man and he is my best friend. We have two children. Blake who is 5 years old and Natalie who is 1 year old. My husband is a Police Officer for the city police department where we live and I am a stay at home mommy. My husband is definitely my hero! Our kids have been through a lot and it has changed my view on life. My son battles a reoccurring tumor and my daughter is still dealing with the effects of having pertussis as an infant. Today they are both doing well, and we are very thankful for that! We thank God for all we have. My husband being a police officer IS a big part of our life, so I will probably talk about that a lot, but behind that uniform and badge he is a normal person. He is a father, husband, friend, son, brother, and many other things and he is human and we have a normal family life and I will share that side much more than the law enforcement side.